I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
