There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
