mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize