I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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