i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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