At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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