we have pet lesbian snakes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
