my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
