if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
me + whiskey = a bad person
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
