I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
