No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he shaved USA in his pubs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
