I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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