Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
