when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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