i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
