So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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