You're my little dorito
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
