ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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