i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize