Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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