omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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