I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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