very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
