Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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