i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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