meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
