I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
