I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
