How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
