Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
