just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
