what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
