and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
