I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
