AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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