you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
