is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
