Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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