Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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