Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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