You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Everyone says I win the strip club
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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