happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she smelled like a LAN party
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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