I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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