I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
