i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
