i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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