my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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