Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
