i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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