taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
