He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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