I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
