He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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