so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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