My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
