i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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