is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Farmville is her only friend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
