She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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