so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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