I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
