i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
