i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
