I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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