Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
