Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Congratulations! We have a period
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