but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
